JR'S Free Thought
The Curmudgeon’s Lexicon of Religion
“Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.” – Ambrose Bierce, Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
A cynic is someone who has had his rose tinted spectacles stomped on and smashed thus vastly improving his perception of reality - “reality” aptly defined by the celebrated science fiction writer Philip K Dick as “that which, when you stop believing in it, won’t go away.”
A Curmudgeon is, according to George Orwell, “one who has a habit of noticing unpleasant facts.”
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. [David T. Wolf]
Cynics regard everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regard everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. [Robert Anton Wilson]
"They came with a Bible and their religion - stole our land, crushed our spirit - and now tell us we should be thankful to the ‘Lord’ for being saved." – Chief Pontiac
"First we had the land and they had the Bibles, now they have the land and we have the Bibles." - Chief Dan George
“What the mind doesn't understand, it worships or fears." - Alice Walker
"For those who are afraid of reality - that is, of life - it is important to find a naive construct which can be identified as truth." - John Ralston Saul
Agnostic: (1) An atheist who longs for social acceptance from his Christian cohorts. (2) A wannabe atheist who demonstrates his ignorance of the most fundamental rules of conceptual analysis and logic.
Acolyte: One who obsequiously and mindlessly follows authority – a common affliction of religious devotees and people of low self-esteem who feel a need to attend motivational seminars.
Alcoholism: A temporary cure for Catholicism.
Angels: Invisible female ghouls that sit on a persons shoulder protecting him from harm. Not to be confused with goblins, unicorns, leprechauns or zombies.
Anti-Christ: (1) Excellent book by Friedrich Nietzsche (2) Wife of Uncle-Christ.
Arithmetic: A required skill for Catholic birth control.
Astrology: Like Christianity and Islam, an ancient cosmology which has become an anachronism to anyone with a Junior High school understanding of science.
Atonement: Boozing it up with God.
Atheist: (1) A person held in contempt and pitied by pious Christians because he is incapable of believing in preposterous propositions for which there is not a shred of evidence. (2) One who has no invisible means of support. (3) One who worships truth, logic and reality. (4) According to Voltaire, atheism is “the sin of intelligence” and to Shelley, the “crime of inquiry.”
Baptist: A Christian who has incurred irreversible brain damage by being held under the water too long
Bible: (1) A book of Myths, Science Fiction and Fairy Tales written by a group of itinerant Arabs and designed for people who are prepared to totally suspend their intellectual faculties. (2) The worst self-help book ever written. (3) A book having the same intellectual content as Little Red Riding Hood, Jack and the Beanstalk and The Three Little Pigs (3) A book described by Bertrand Russell as being totally void of humor and in which there is “not one word in praise of intelligence.” (4) A book, according to Elizabeth Cady Stanton, containing “sublime passages” but also plagued by “contradictions, inconsistencies and absurdities.”
"The total absence of humour in the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature" -Alfred North Whitehead
Blame: A popular Islamic and Christian activity involving real or perceived human problems entailing the avoidance of arduous intellectual toil in genuinely attempting to solve those problems. The religion alternative: “It was God’s will” or “The Devil made me do it.”
Blasphemy: Using the word Jesus Christ in the wrong context.
Book of Mormon: A book vying for first place along with L Ron Hubbards Dianetics as the worst science fiction novel ever written.
Born Again Christian: (1) A person who refuses to grow up and insists on being an even bigger pain in the ass the second time around. (2) One who incurs brain damage during rebirth. (3) Someone you wish had not been born the first time.
Brainwashing: The primary purpose of sermons and Sunday School.
Bullshit: Permeates the universe, the most virulent form being Religion - with business and politics competing for second place.
Calvinism: A Christian denomination that has as its primary dictum “Thou shalt not enjoy oneself.” To H. L. Mencken, “the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”
Cardinal: A bright red bird with an IQ of 13 or an important member of the Catholic hierarchy having less intelligence than the former.
Catechism: Brainwashing and indoctrination into Catholic bullshit.
Catholicism: A popular form of self-abasement and submission involving primitive rituals similar to voodoo and cannibalism.
Causation: A concept not understood by Christians, Moslems and other theists.
Christian: (1) One having the uncanny ability to reduce the moral conduct of others to ten simplistic rules only four of which have anything to do with ethics. (2) One who is required to believe in anti-scientific propositions such as virgin birth, resurrection from the dead, faith healing and other metaphysical nonsense that would test the credulity of a pre-schooler. (3) According to Nietzsche, along with alcohol, a great “European narcotic.”
Christianity: Adherents to this curious form of mass narcissism actually believe that the “Creator” of the universe has nothing better to do than agonize over their petty sex lives in order to determine their eligibility for “salvation”.
Christmas: A day of mourning for over-extended bank loans and maxed-out credit cards.
Church: Multi-million dollar havens of hypocrisy where people bruise their knees once per week seeking special favors from the Big Guy in the Sky.
Coat Hanger: Another form of Catholic birth control.
Comparative Religion: (1) Tweedle Dee versus Tweedle Dum (2) The useless exercise of attempting to evaluate various forms of superstitious nonsense.
Condom: Deemed a monstrosity and abomination by the Catholic Church since it denies a woman the joy of contributing to overpopulation and exhilaration of giving birth to a dozen children.
Confession: A humiliating interlude with a priest hiding in a small enclosure involving an admission of your propensity to masturbation.
Creationism: A complex religious explanation to the origins of the Universe found in Genesis and a serious competitor to scientific theories. It can be summed up thus: God went "CLICK".
Credulity: The dispositional state of the religious faithful and victimized consumer. According to Bertrand Russell, “man is a credulous animal and needs to believe in something, and in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.” Oddly, gullibility and credulity are considered intellectual vices and undesirable qualities in all spheres of human endeavor – except religion and politics.
“The crowd doesn’t have to know”, Mussolini often said. “It must believe…If only we can give them faith that mountains can be moved, then they will accept the illusion that mountains are moveable, and thus an illusion may become reality.” Always, he said, be “electric and explosive.” Belief over knowledge. Emotion over thought. One of the characteristics of propaganda is that, wherever possible, music and images replace words. - John Ralston Saul
Crucifix: A pendant worn by defendants in court hoping for leniency from the judge and by pretentious lame-brained athletes expecting the Lord’s intervention on their behalf.
Cult: (1) An unsuccessful religion (2) A religion without political power. (3) Pejorative term applied to religions other than one’s own.
Death: A blissful gateway for pious Christians allowing them to spend the remainder of eternity playing a fiddle with the Big Guy on Cloud Nine.
Devout: (1) Placing a higher value on dogmatism and rigidity than upon happiness, especially that of others (2) A refusal to allow facts to stand in the way of belief.
Doctor of Divinity: A third rate bogus doctorate more akin to an MBA or vocational school degree in marketing and advertising.
Dogma: Established religious doctrine allowing one to suspend all brain activity.
Drug Addiction: A popular method chosen by weak-willed wimps for dealing with the vicissitudes and stark realities of life - a synonym for “religion”.
Drugs: Substances that perform the same function as religion but with fewer detrimental effects on the intellect.
Church: (1) A multi-million dollar structure erected for the sole purpose of allowing people to humiliate themselves once a week by listening to boring drivel and praying to an invisible man in the sky. (2) An institution, according to Robert Ingersoll, that “hates a thinker for the same reason a robber dislikes a sheriff, or a thief despises the prosecuting witness.”
Easter: Resurrection of the Easter Bunny.
Enlightenment: Coming to the realization that Religion is pure horseshit.
Eternal Damnation: (1) An extremely lenient and compassionate rehab program for committing the horrible sin of believing in the wrong Sky Daddy. (2) According to Robert Ingersoll, “renders God the basest and most cruel being in the Universe.”
Eternal Life: A reward for believing in the correct Deity.
Eucharist: A sleight of hand trick by God involving the transformation of your glass of wine over dinner into the blood of Christ.
Evangelical: An especially virulent mutation of a Baptist.
Excommunication: Banished from the doors of the church for committing the unforgivable sin of playing with your wee wee.
Exegesis: Attempting to understand the unintelligible.
Exodus: A mass exit of people suffering from extreme boredom from the morning church service, rushing back home so that they can do what they really want on their day off.
Fact: An obstacle to belief easily overcome by taking religion seriously.
Faith: (1) A contempt for truth and an irrational state of desperation and credulity that leads to belief in the highly improbable and when realized leads to a smug feeling of superiority over those unfortunate enough to see things as they really are. (2) A great labor saving device that allows one to form opinions without digging up the facts (4) An attitude fostered by individuals in high places in order to ensure the subservience of those in their charge (3) According to Mark Twain, “believing what you know ain’t so”, to Nietzsche, “not wanting to know what is true” and to H. L. Mencken, “the illogical belief in the highly improbable.” (4) “Millions of Germans had absolute faith in Hitler. Millions of Italians had faith in Mussolini. Millions of Russians had faith in Stalin. Millions of Chinese had faith in Mao. Billions had faith in imaginary Gods.” – Steve Allen
"Faith is believing something that no one in his right mind would believe." - Archie Bunker
Christians hold that their faith does good, but other faiths do harm . . . What I wish to maintain is that all faiths do harm. We may define “faith” as the firm belief in something for which there is no evidence. When there is evidence, no one speaks of “faith”. We do not speak of faith that two plus two is four or that the earth is round. We only speak of faith when we wish to substitute emotion for evidence. - Bertrand Russell
Fascism: A secular version of Catholicism.
Fear: An emotional state that drives investors in a bear market and people who gravitate to religion.
Forgiveness: The degrading dehumanizing experience of being exonerated by a celibate priest for your indiscretion of playing with your wee wee or having evil thoughts about Sally in the second seat in row three.
Fundamentalist: One who is especially intolerant of those able to employ rules of logic and evidence, draw inferences from observed facts and deal with the stark realities of existence. One who is fond of living a delusional life of wishful thinking based on pre-scientific world views and comfortable myths. One who is fond of simplistic solutions to all of the world’s problems by expressing their resolution to those problems in a single incoherent declaration. In groups the social utility of a fundamentalist is at the level of a chimpanzee brandishing a ball peen hammer. The Christian variety is graphically exemplified in the ranting and raving of Neanderthals such as Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Oral Roberts.
God: (1) An invisible man with a white beard who lives in the sky affectionately referred to as the Sky Daddy. (2) An unsavory character found in many works of science fiction. (3) An explanation for all the mysteries of the universe, thus making physics, biology, chemistry and all critical thought and intellectual activity redundant. (4) A three letter justification for mass murder. (5) According to H. L. Mencken, “the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, the helpless and the miserable.” (6) An entity that seems to have an inordinate fondness for flies, beetles, cockroaches, viruses, microbes and gullible irrational human beings. (7) According to Robert A. Heinlein, the Christian variety has “the manners and morals of a spoiled child.” (8) According to Montesquieu, if invented by a triangle, “would give him three sides.” (9) According to Voltaire, “if God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.”
God’s Will: A causal factor cited by religious cretins following their survival of natural disasters such as fires, earthquakes, infectious diseases, demented serial killers (God told them to do it), hurricanes and rap music. Assuming the veracity of such claims God, being omnipotent and omniscient, is thus reduced to an arrogant psychopathic scumbag since he must, by explicit inference, be held responsible for such disasters.
Grace: (1) Thanking the Big Guy in the Sky for something we acquired through our own efforts - often expressed in a solemn prayer such as: “Rub A Dub Dub Thanks for the Grub, Yeah God!!”
Hatred: The apex of spiritual enlightenment often referred to as Christian love.
Hell: (1) A place of everlasting torment for those believing in the wrong deity or listening to rap or country and western music for more than five minutes. (2) According to Jean Paul Sartre, “other people.”
Heresy: Having the inquisitiveness and intellectual integrity to question religious belief – an activity extremely detrimental to your health during the Dark Ages when Christianity called the shots.
Humility: The virtue of those with low self-esteem and the dominant psychological affliction of Christians and Moslems.
Hypocrisy: The hallmark of Judean-Christian culture and almost as pervasive among human beings as credulity and stupidity. The most virulent forms can be found in Catholic priests making vows to celibacy, Christian missionaries in third world countries, corporations who claim to be interested in the welfare of consumers, lawyers making claims to serving the cause of justice and American “peace keeping missions.”
Immortality: Coveted by those who are bored on a rainy Sunday afternoon and by those over the age of 65 who are financially independent yet continue to slave away at their mundane mind numbing jobs - according to Mark Twain, “myriads have believed in it” who also believed “the earth was flat”.
"One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that many have believed it - they also believed the world was flat." - Mark Twain
Indulgence: A brokerage commission charged by the Church for an exchange of sin for salvation.
Infidel: Someone who should be tortured or killed for believing in the wrong God or no God at all - according to Ambrose Bierce, “one in New York who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.”
Infinite: According to Albert Einstein – human stupidity and the Universe - but he was unsure of the latter. The “infinite” to Anatole France was “God’s impotence.”
Inquisition: A corrective rehabilitation arm of the Church employing beneficent and charitable incentives to accept the infallibility of the “Good Book.”
Invertebrate: Having an excellent prospect for a career as a journalist or televangelist.
Islam: Incontrovertible evidence that Baptists are the second worst thing on the planet.
Jehovah Witness: A person suffering from irreparable brain damage.
Jesus Christ: (1) Most common expletive indicating anger or surprise. Not to be confused with Jesus H Christ or Jesus Murphy. (2) Mythological character believed to have walked on water, “died for our sins”, been resurrected from the dead, started a religion without his permission, motivating millions to “find” him.
Jesus Freak: Refugee from a hippy commune who “found Jesus” while on a bad acid trip.
Justification: God’s Will according to Christians and Moslems.
Knee Pads: Padded devices attached to pews to enable Christians to humiliate themselves in comfort. Also used by head nurses.
Karma: Buddhist concept that proposes justice will prevail with respect to lawyers, accountants, investment bankers, realtors and televangelists who will be reincarnated as cockroaches in their next life.
Knights of Columbus: A Catholic drinking club whose members are not knights or related in any way to Chris Columbus of Columbus Ohio.
Koran: Sacred book of Islam on a par with the Bible, Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs and Humpty Dumpty for its intellectual rigor and consistency.
Last Supper: Something we may all be experiencing sooner than we think if we continue to follow the Biblical dictum “go forth and multiply.”
Let us Prey: The official motto of telemarketers, televangelists, Christian missionaries, and the National Association of Religious broadcasters.
Liberty: An enemy of religion and feared by most people because it implies responsibility.
Love: (1) To many Christians, a synonym for God or Stevie Wonder.*
*Consider the argument
God is love
Love is blind
Stevie Wonder is blind
Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God
Martyr: Someone who foolishly dies for an abstruse idea that is an article of faith.
Mind Control: One of the primary aims of all religions and dictatorships.
Mind Numbing Experience: Listening to a church sermon, someone saying grace before a meal, a George W Bush speech, “God Bless America after the seventh inning or Country and Western Music.
Miracle: (1) According to David Hume, "a transgression of a law of nature by a particular volition of the Deity, or by the interposition of some invisible agent…and cannot be believed by any reasonable person without one.” Miracles are regularly claimed by religious people, readers of the National Inquirer and other groups guilty of collective hallucination. (2) A Christian employing logic and rules of evidence.
Missionary: A snake oil salesman who tries to convince a heathen to replace one ludicrous superstition with another even more ludicrous.
Mohammed: Grand Poobah and founder of Islam as well as the first or last name of about 80% of all Moslems.
Morality: (1) Something referred to by Christians on Sunday but rarely practiced Monday through Saturday. (2) The desire by religious zealots to inflict pain on those whose conduct in private they disapprove.
Mormon: Typing error – the second “m” should be deleted.
Mormonism: Oppressive patriarchal Christian denomination founded by a woman hating oversexed pervert by the name of Joseph Smith.
Mystic: A person of religious persuasion who attempts to understand the workings of the Universe but is too stupid or lazy to study science. According to Elbert Hubbard, “a person who is puzzled before the obvious but who understands the non-existent.”
Myth: Religious beliefs contrary to one’s own but from which are plagiarized indiscriminately. [“The Hindu sacred writings contain all the myths and fables found in Christianity” - Fiske
New Age: A popular contemporary religious disease that posits “we create our own reality.” New Ageism is a popular metaphysical position of those born into wealth and privilege since it permits them to infer that the existence of unfortunate wretches such as the working poor can be explained away because “they created their own poverty”.
Noah: A person who Mark Twain laments “did not miss the boat.”
Northern Ireland: A place where even people of the same religion insist on slaughtering one another. When Quentin Crisp was in Northern Ireland and admitted to an audience that he was an atheist, a woman stood up and asked: “Yes, but is it the Catholic or the Protestant God in which you do not believe?”
Obedience: A distinguishing characteristic of lap dogs, army privates, sheep and religious people.
Omnipotence: Attribute of the Christian God denoting infinite power but who oddly enough found it necessary to rest on the seventh day.
Omniscience: Attribute of the Christian God denoting infinite knowledge and wisdom including knowledge of the future – which raises the distressing question of why, although he is omnipotent, he made no effort to stop tragedies such as the Holocaust, 9-11 or Rap music.
Only True Religion: A categorical claim made by all of the several thousand religions in the marketplace which now exist or no longer exist.
Opus Dei: Catholic mafia.
Original Sin: The sin of curiosity and the passionate desire to discover and know – which is perhaps why our education system beats it out of students by the time they reach junior high school.
Pain and suffering: The path to Christian, Jewish and Islamic salvation.
Parasite: A synonym for real estate developer, lawyer, investment banker, commodities trader, pimp, Christian missionary and televangelist.
Patriarchal: The common denominator of all established monotheistic religions.
Patriotism: Unthinking inability to distinguish between government and country and a praiseworthy virtue characterized by a desire to obliterate those unfortunate enough to be born in a different geographical location - a mass emotional dysfunction synonymous with religious fundamentalism.
Patriot: An enemy of freedom with a herd mentality who compensates for a lack of self-respect and self-esteem by identifying with a philosophical abstraction – in another context, a religious person.
Penance: Sacramental forgiveness by a priest for playing with your Wee Wee.
Pentecostals: Hyperactive Christian denomination apparently hooked on cocaine and speed - included among its religious leaders are such paragons of intellectual and moral integrity - Pat Robertson, Benny Hinn, Jimmy Swaggert, Peter Popoff and Jim Bakker.
Pope: A highly paid CEO with a pointed hat representing the largest financial institution in the world and deemed by many to be an expert in sexual matters and birth control.
Polytheism: A religion such as Hinduism that has multiple Gods thus allowing for division of labour.
Prayer: An act of selfish desperation by a religious person who obsequiously pleads to a deity to suspend the laws of physics for his own benefit. [A creator who could put a cancer in a believer’s stomach is above being interfered with by prayers.” – Bret Harte]
Priest: A celibate catholic cleric who implores us to follow his lead and “love little children”.
Prophecy: A useless imbecilic activity of prediction practised by self-appointed clairvoyants and psychics, lame New Age kooks, crystal ball gazers, tea leave readers, stock market analysts and feeble-minded preachers.
Promise Keepers: An inane ludicrous group of Christian males Neanderthals who desire to keep women confined to either the bedroom or kitchen and oppose equal rights for gay people.
Psychic: (1) Someone who, if they had the powers they claim, would not have to earn a living as a psychic. (2) A charlatan with a supernatural ability to extract money from morons.
Pyramid Power: About as useful as prayer, a rabbit’s foot or rosary beads dangling from your rear view mirror.
Rack: According to Ambrose Bierce in the Devil’s Dictionary, “an argumentative implement formerly used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth.”
Rationality and Logic: Intellectual virtues sacrificed at the church door.
Redemption: Because some innocent wretch was stapled to a cross we can now be forgiven for the dreadful sin of playing with our Wee Wee.
Repent: To admit that we have committed an intellectual sin by believing in metaphysical nonsense such as an Invisible Man in the Sky.
Religion: (1) The most addictive narcotic in the universe and totally lacking in humour or intelligence. (2) The first refuge of the desperate. (3) A potent weapon in the war against reality and a convenient mechanism for avoiding vexatious activities like rational thought. (4) A convenient substitute for self-esteem and a means of feeling of superior to other homo sapiens. (4) A cult in good standing that has achieved economic clout and political assent. (5) The most prolific purveyor of bullshit in the universe – with business posting a close second. (6) A childhood neurosis – Freud, The opiate of the masses – Karl Marx (6) According to Seneca (4BCE – 65CE), “regarded by the common people as true, the philosophers as false and by the rulers as useful.”(7) According to Fredrick the Great, "a fraud that must be maintained for the masses." (8) According to Napoleon, a mechanism for "keeping the common people quiet" and for "keeping the poor from murdering the rich." Napoleon also asserted that "to be a success in the world, "promise everything and deliver nothing" - which is essentially what religion has done. (9) The preference of comfort over truth.
Religious Right: They are neither.
Religious tolerance: An idea that is anathema to the religious - an oxymoron.
Resurrection: (1) A blatant violation of a fundamental scientific principle and a rejection of the notion: “when you’re dead, you’re dead.” (2) Elvis sightings.
Right to Life: A most fundamental of natural rights accorded to foetuses, embryos and zygotes but not to unwed teenagers, non-humans, enemies of US corporate interests, children born to unwed mothers or people of different religions.
Salvation: Avoidance of religion for life.
Sanctity of life: An important Christian notion involving foetuses and elderly people with terminal illnesses.
Scientology: In addition to Christianity and Islam one of the most ridiculous asinine religions on the planet requiring the intelligence of an Arkansas hillbilly Baptist preacher with the IQ of a barnacle – devotees include celebrated intellectual giants such as Tom Cruise and John Travolta.
Second Coming: (1) Elvis sighting. (2) Multiple orgasm.
Self-deception: A psychological affliction of religious people and purchasers of lottery tickets.
"To live in delusion is to live in the comfort of ideology." - John Ralston Saul
Self-righteousness: A common disease, along with hypocrisy, that afflicts the religious.
Seventy-Two Virgins: The most outrageous shameless bribe in organized religion for getting entry into heaven.
Slavery: (1) A medieval grossly immoral practise sanctioned by the Bible and Attila the Hun which flourished during the Dark Ages of Christian hegemony. (2) Wage labour carried to its logical conclusion in capitalist economies.
Sheep: A furry particularly stupid quadruped bearing a striking resemblance to other domesticated animals: religious folk, politicians and the average voter. (The lord is my Shepard – what does that make me?)
Sin: (1) A strictly religious concept designed to keep the rabble in line and entailing the violation of basic universal moral rules such as: (a) Do not play with your wee wee. (b) Don’t worship the wrong Sky Daddy (c) Engaging in sexual activity for reasons other than procreation. (2) According to Nietzsche, “weapons of power…and man’s self-desecration par excellence…invented in order to make science, culture, and every elevation and ennobling on man impossible.”
Soul: (1) The part of a shoe that takes all the abuse. (2) A bottom feeding salt water fish (3) A metaphysical pseudo-scientific pie-in-the-sky concept created by theologians to facilitate self-deceptive arguments for an after-life.
Stupidity: An invaluable commodity that lubricates the wheels of consumerism, politics and religion, without which the entire edifice of North American culture would come to a grinding halt. Stupidity, according to the late Frank Zappa, is “the basic building block of the universe.”
Spirituality: A vague nebulous term of self-aggrandizement employed to elicit a warm fuzzy feeling of superiority over others.
Sunday school: A brain washing process for children not having reached the age of rationality and who are therefore at their most vulnerable. H. L. Mencken defined Sunday school as a “prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents” and claims that what he got from Sunday school “was simply a firm conviction that the Christian faith was full of palpable absurdities, and the Christian God preposterous.”
Ten Commandments: A vehicle that allows for avoidance of genuine moral reflection about the consequences of one’s acts or trifling matters such as social injustice, cruelty, torture, corporate fraud and economic exploitation. Instead we must focus on the real evils of this world: obscene books, homosexuality, coveting the wrong woman, filthy language, masturbation or believing in the wrong sky daddy.
Terrorist: A non-Christian religious zealot who acts in a manner contrary to American corporate interests.
Televangelist: An enterprising simpleton with an uncanny ability to extract funds from lonely widows and retirees with mental dysfunction. Often vehemently denounces the evils of debauchery, dishonesty, drug and alcohol abuse, greed, gluttony, prostitution, homosexuality and gratuitous fornication – thus speaking from a wealth of personal experience.
Theocracy: The present form of government rule in Iran and in the United States under George W Bush.
Theodicy: The futile efforts of Christian theologians to reconcile the omnipotence and omniscience of God with the huge volume of gratuitous evil in the world.
Theologian: (1)One who preaches doctrines he knows to be bullshit to those he knows to be boneheads. (2) A mystic who ventures into a dark cellar at midnight looking for a black cat that isn't there.
Theology: The attempt to explain the unknowable in terms of the unintelligible.
Tithe: Helping to pay down the mortgage of a multi-million dollar monstrosity called a church and subsidizing the huge salary of the pastor, neither of which pay taxes, by donating a certain percentage of your hard earned income.
Traditional Family Values: The bedrock of North American morality including hatred of the unorthodox, anti-intellectualism, homophobia, divorce, sexual repression and guilt, fear of the unknown, absence of critical thought, blind faith over facts, unthinking acceptance of the tyranny of the majority, subjugation of women, gullibility, obsequious sycophant-like respect for “charismatic leaders”, profit before people, the right to make a buck at the expense of the environment, unflinching intolerance for anyone who deviates one iota from the narrow Judaeo-Christian sense of moral outrage, the desire to inflict pain on the “immoral” and a respect for power regardless of its source or legitimacy.
Transubstantiation: In addition to molestation of altar boys another neat trick of priests involving the transformation of a wafer and wine into the blood of Jesus.
Trinity: The Father, The Son and The Almighty Dollar.
Unitarian: An atheist unable to kick the spirituality affliction.
Virgin Birth: Another violation of the laws of physics and biology – or did Mary really get in on with God? - And what about poor Joe?
War: An exercise in human stupidity and hatred, 99.9% of which have some origin or basis in religious bigotry and intolerance - the source of which is generally a categorical claim by some religious zealot that "my God's dick is bigger than yours."
"I believe today that I am acting in the sense of the Almighty Creator. By warding off the Jews I am fighting for the Lord's work." [Adolph Hitler, Speech, Reichstag, 1936]
"I believe today that my conduct is in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator." [Adolph Hitler, Mein Kampf]
“I am now as before a Catholic and will always remain so" [Adolph Hitler, to Gen. Gerhard Engel, 1941]
Wishful Thinking: A popular activity of the religious and purchasers of lottery tickets who lack “meaning” in their lives and find existence intolerable – a consequence of having no self-confidence, self-esteem or ability to improve the quality of their own lives. (see “self-deception”)
Woman: According to Friedrich Nietzsche, “God’s second mistake” and who according to Groucho Marx “should be obscene and not heard.”
Worship: A humiliating form of bootlicking, self-degradation and unthinking reverence for authority particularly if it involves an invisible man with a white beard living in the sky. [“So long as man remains free he strives for nothing so incessantly and so painfully as to find someone to worship.” – Dostoevsky from The Brothers Karamazov]